you couldn't kick jokesyou couldn't kick jokes

That evening, he decides to go out. Youve been complaining ever since you got here., Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. I love this saying: An intimate relationship is improved by the two or three things we dont say each day. Wow these drinks are big!, The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.. This moment of friction gifts you access into your partners interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs. A few minutes later, he asks againstill no reply. As he tried to catch his breath, the passenger said, Im sorry I gave you a joltit was my fault. No, it was mine, the driver said. The wife says that yes, he could. If you do not understand English, press 2. Recording on an Australian tax help line. Why? Dont worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal., 22. What did you write in the ad? his wife asks. Young children have a unique superpower: place a toddler in a queen-sized bed and they will find a sleeping position that ensures no one else can fit in there with them. A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. I told them: I understand. 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) George, everyone who sees it there will know what youre doing, she told him in front of their church group. Youre running around with another womanadmit it! she demanded. The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. My father-in-law calmly shook his head. Try giving them one of these funny compliments! She couldnt control her pupils. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice [Read: Ready to charm? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. One day, I was brushing my teeth in the restroom before a flight when a woman walked in. $10 fine. Youre it! That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest. Good Comebacks 1. ' @woodyluvscoffee. Thats my twin sister. Here, boy, he replies. You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions - Amazon.com Submitted by Hoss Alfred. Why does my brother always attack my knees playfully? The bartender says, Whatll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.. ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence. Did you hit him with the golf club? Yes, I did, sobs the woman. Looking at my face is like reading in the car. Marie Faustin, comedian. Local man killed by falling piano. Submitted by Craig Sharf, The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize youre not in shape for it, its too far to walk back. 2. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon. and the one on the right is where I go to church., The man sneers, Thats the church I used to attend!, Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing., Theres a simple test you can run to see how bad the problem is: Start out 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seatbelt. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. Shes been here six months. When the server showed up to take our order, she asked, Where do you get your mussels? The young waitress blushed, looked sheepishly at her biceps and quietly answered, Cross-training?Submitted by Dan Grabke, Q: Whats Edith Piafs favourite airline? None, I replied. Again, he hears the booming voice: There are no fish under the ice!, He nervously looks up and asks, Lord? Honey, whats for supper?. If Im a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and dont care if you know it. Well, historically speaking, more powerful., 19. I can only please one person a day. Gets jalapeo business! 7. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. -Marilyn Monroe, 38. I used to be addicted to soap, but Im clean now. [Read: Backhanded compliment How to react kindly or give back in kind]. ", "If life givesyou melons, you might be dyslexic. The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. Submitted by Janet Winkler, A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. ", "Studies show that women who carry extra weight live longer than men who bring it up.". One night, while we were out for supper at a Mediterranean restaurant, my sister-in-law had a question about one of the appetizers. Thesehilarious school storiesare guaranteed to give you a laugh. ", "If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. I just couldnt do it anymore. Being broken up with. ._2a172ppKObqWfRHr8eWBKV{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:8px}._39-woRduNuowN7G4JTW4I8{margin-top:12px}._136QdRzXkGKNtSQ-h1fUru{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:8px 0;width:100%}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_{font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_,._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{margin-left:auto}._1-25VxiIsZFVU88qFh-T8p{padding:0}._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor)} Check out the most Canadian headlines of all time. Im coming over to live with you. To which her mother replies, No, no, darling. A: A steeping bag. New to Amazon. '", "My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo. If you're loving these science jokes, you'll get a kick out of these math jokes too. If you look closely, you can see the little black dots in the meatballs. They always take things literally. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. I was browsing in the mens department at Neiman Marcus when a knitted black designer blazer caught my eye. Submitted by Tim Vine, Q: What do you call twin police officers? Its not until an hour or two later that you come up with a one-liner to knock them off their feet. 3. Why dont you go see a psychiatrist? suggests the collie. Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Submitted by Greg Madden. I typed Bitch into my GPS and guess what? Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? "You can't make somebody love you. Well, the hut one on the left is where I live, says the man. Theres a smartass quote for that. Student: A drinking problem. What happened to ya?, Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. Ill tell you whatnever again. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, Not guilty. The defendant leaps to his feet. 2. 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes. You couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, He couldn't get his hole in a barrel of fannies._3K2ydhts9_ES4s9UpcXqBi{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%} 25 hilarious dad jokes youve probably never heard before ' . He said, I want you to trace someone for me. What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened? The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip. Then I served my country in Iraq. Keep these funny holiday jokes in mind for your next party! From the next room over, my dad yelled, Shes money laundering!Submitted by Shinae Hartley, A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. 52. That's why it's helpful to have a good one-liner in your back pocket. He must pay for his mistake. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. ._1aTW4bdYQHgSZJe7BF2-XV{display:-ms-grid;display:grid;-ms-grid-columns:auto auto 42px;grid-template-columns:auto auto 42px;column-gap:12px}._3b9utyKN3e_kzVZ5ngPqAu,._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP:before{content:"";margin-right:4px;color:#46d160}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{display:inline-block;word-break:break-word}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-weight:500}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-weight:400;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-top:13px;margin-bottom:2px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO ._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;margin-right:4px;margin-left:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y{border-radius:4px;box-sizing:border-box;height:21px;width:21px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(2),._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(3){margin-left:-9px} Crocker, you are just fine, insisted the nurse. Professor of Logic Merch: https://www.redbubble.com/people/robtzn/shop?asc=uFollow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sparkleforesst 15. Well, he really gets a kick out of it. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.. One day, I saw him reach for the glass of dandelion water and stopped him just before he drank from it. Mom: Avocado, After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes You may not be able to get your kid to eat their greens, but you can at least get a laugh out of them at the dinner table with this comprehensive list of the funniest food jokes for kids. Hold it in. 73. Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Crime in multi-storey car parks. short for? No pun in 10 did. Whats a Queen without her King? Id like to lose another 15 pounds first.Submitted by Mary Buoye, Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. "Women are like iPhones. These breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around. Honey, whats for supper? No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. My New Years resolution is to get in shape. He was a great vet. She then reassured him by adding, Now, if you do everything Ive told you, you wont be with us for long.. When Im done, poof! The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. ' Tim Vine, My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. Do you own a doghouse? Every so often, the good people of the Ask Reddit community get together and reveal their favorite short joke. What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way? she demands. A man was stranded on a desert island for 20 years when a navy ship finally spots him. Dont miss this collection of the best knock knock jokes for kids. You cheap bum! she yells. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west! Rodney Dangerfield. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Nick Helm. As a result, while in uniform, Im often mistaken for a flight attendant, a ticket agent, or even a snack bar employee. I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. Eight dollars, I answered. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. The odds that I got mugged twice last year because I look like the kind of guy that would calculate those odds? Second door to the right, says the bartender. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! Check out our all-time funniest work jokes. Please joke responsibly. Next week is his First Communion., I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached Gods holy word. You can use these yo mama jokes as good comebacks in an argument. Submitted by Joni Krats, Working in a library, one of the tasks we have to do twice a week is call patrons about their overdue items. The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. . 14. You cant make somebody love you. But that's not all. This is my step ladder. He never had a chance!, The man says, I dont know about that. 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes What does a nosy pepper do? These funny work cartoonswere made for sharing at the office. I cant, says the poodle. A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. 71. Nasty ex sniffing around? Submitted by Reid Faylor. My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. Dont go through life unprepared! If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response., That evening, the mans wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and hes in the living room. Its all very well and good having a range of smartass quotes in your armory, but how do you deliver them in the right way? Were giving you the best smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by. Your secrets are always safe with me. Submitted by Chuck Welch, Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the young man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. Keep your voice steady, avoid sounding too pleased with yourself, and deliver the line with a straight face. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults You wont look cool if you show everyone just how happy you are with your efforts! It read, Mr. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora. Yes, I said. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. After a few moments, Bill says, Hurry up, Messy Bessy, we dont have all night. Jenna feels her cheeks flush and her eyes fill with tears. He never did any of that!, I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. Dont miss these physics jokes that every science nerd will love. Jenna and Bill are finishing up a dinner date. It doesnt have to be Pi Day (March 14) to bring out thesefunny math jokes! ._1sDtEhccxFpHDn2RUhxmSq{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-flow:row nowrap;flex-flow:row nowrap}._1d4NeAxWOiy0JPz7aXRI64{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}.icon._3tMM22A0evCEmrIk-8z4zO{margin:-2px 8px 0 0} 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? I usually work the evening shift, finishing close to 11:30 p.m. Finally, he hollers, Hey! Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners If anything, it made him more sluggish. Fo drizzle! ' Tim Vine, This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Thanks to them, it's easier than ever to memorize one or two quips to fill those awkward silences at your next backyard barbecue. How do you know? My dog told me.Submitted by Sourabh Bhatia, A man with a huge grin approaches a priest. Submitted by Terry Sangster. Cant you just tell me?Submitted by Dana Thayer. Does that mean I get to keep the money?Submitted by Lawrence Adelson, Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his bar stool and lies motionless on the floor. A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Weinstein, Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. View a fight that stems from an ill-fated joke not as a reason to withdraw or get defensive but as a vehicle for intimacy. Literally nothing is rhombus shaped. It says, Do not feed. Submitted by Isaac Sargent, I was staying in a hotel where the towels were so thick that I could hardly close my suitcase. Up in heaven, she sees God. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. The bouncer says, "You can't come in here with a dog." Theseclever jokescould make anyone sound smart! For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. When the waiter brings him the meal, he asks if they are genuine. Where are average things manufactured? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Thesecheesy pick-up lines are are sure to get you a laugh (if not love). 41 of Bill Baileys most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners You have to touch them all over before they respond. Good luck figuring out which one., 28. ", "What do you call someone who graduates last in their class from Med school? Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the cars indicators are working. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.Anonymous. Hes telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. | 50 of the best lines from Peep Show In a normal tone, he asks, Honey, whats for supper?, So he moves to the other end of the room and repeats, Honey, whats for supper? Still no response. Sadly, female airline pilots are still relatively rare. He bit himself. After my husband injured himself, I ran him over to the doctors office. First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Face your problems, dont Facebook them., 4. Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application. Want more of the best Readers Digest jokes of all time? He replied, Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.. He asks the dogs owner, Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?, The owner says, Because hes a liar! Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes. 78. A man is on trial for armed robbery. What other woman? Adam shot back. Could I have a few words with George?Submitted by David Miteff, An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. 10 Likes, 0 Comments - (@zdragonqueen) on Instagram: "' . Months? And how long has it been since your last confession?, I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess.Matt Kirshen, A man comes to Mrs. Smiths door and says, Theres been an accident at the brewery. After several readings, I couldnt find my mistake. In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to renew his drivers license. I dont know, she replies. Why couldn't the all-star football player listen to music? 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from London Zoo. Theres a nasty bug going around.Submitted by D.G. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk. My computer's got the Miley virus. I thought, thats Abba-riginal. Press J to jump to the feed. I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?, The operator says, Calm down. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes Im addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, Im not following you.. After they were caught, they finished each others sentences. W hen you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Keep rolling your eyes. Submitted by C.A. It can be a shared little world of private jokes, silly characters, and inside jokes that build trust and bring you closer to each other. Check out our bestshort jokes! Ill ask your sister. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". There, on the front cover, was a red circle around my misspelled name. Dont miss these bad jokes you cant help but laugh at. I kill their plants and I love mischief. He doesnt look at all dangerous to me. In reference to someone's accuracy with a gun. Smartass quotes. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. 12 / 102. Its easy, replies the ranger. Whats E.T. Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you. Bill Murray, 14. Obviously, use them only when the conversation gets out of control and the other person stoops to insults. The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. A car hit an elderly man. Dont miss these funny tweets every parent can relate to. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. ', The wife smiles, and says 'Thank you, that means a lot.'". Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! How far do you think I can kick this bucket. Submitted by James Hewitt, Marriage is just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin. 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off - Parade She looks great! When he answered the door, he found a six-foot-tall cockroach standing in front of him. ' Misir Doobay, Toronto, I dont need it, but Ill tell you who does Jen Statsky, writer. Oh yesthe news. Funny Redneck Sayings and Quotes - Sayings Plus Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer. The blacksmith instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, Ill lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.. Yes, I said, but I really dont need it., Without missing a beat, she replied, We dont sell things that people need. Joe Caputo. And what, may I ask, are you? The cat replies, Um, Im a gnome.Submitted by Blake Kiltoff, What is my relationship deal breaker? 10. Rub one ball and everything moves.". 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. I hate Russian dolls so full of themselves! Later, they order an other round. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out. "couldn't organise a "? - Google Groups Ill grant you three wishes, the genie says. Pressed for time? A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team How old are you? Thirty-six.Submitted by Melissa Steginus, The other day I was thinking, I must be the most unobservant person in the world. Then I thought, Well, maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just havent noticed before.Submitted by D. Norris, I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong. I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, its raining! He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants. Submitted by Nilesh Patel, At the local hospitals emergency room, the nurse joked, as she fitted me with an ID wristband, Youve been bar-coded! I, being 72, added, Long past the best-before date. Submitted by Colin Campbell, If you understand English, press 1. The jury comes back with the verdict. Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. Youll just end up looking comedic and thats not what were going for here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist, The guys replies, I am seeing a psychiatrist., The dentist says, Well then what are you doing here?. You know, this is my first operation. 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