Is there hope after an affair? I sure hoped so. Less than a week after I confessed my affair to Garrett, I was in Italy with my mom visiting the Colosseum and the Roman Forum ruins. We had planned this trip long beforehand and both Garrett and our pastor thought it was best that I still go.
So, with much trepidation and uncertainty, I went. I had not yet told my mom of the affair nor of my confession to Garrett – that would come once we settled into our hotel room in Rome…#funtimes
I was most struck by the ruins, a place where there was once life, love, joy, and laughter. Now all that remained were faint remnants of the things that once were. There was no life there now. There was no family, no home, no joy. No hope.
My life in ruins
Standing in this place, a shell of something that once was, I couldn’t help but feel the ruins were representative of my life. I had destroyed our lives. I had ruined the love and joy that once abided there. There was no longer comfort in the word ‘home’. Everything was uncertain. Everything seemed dead.
My heart sank as we made our way past the lifeless walls as I reflected upon this analogy to my own life. I felt immense, overwhelming sadness – there are just no words to describe the depths of my regret and the agony I felt. My affair had annihilated the hope of Garrett’s and my future together.
As I sat with the question, “Is there any hope, Lord?” I noticed a little, lone red poppy growing out of the dust and dirt, its face seeking the light that God gives. Here was this beautiful flower, full of hope and life, in the middle of this forgotten, lifeless place. And, just like the analogy of the ruins I had made of our lives, God was giving me a new analogy. Yes, I had caused massive destruction and ruin, but beauty and life would break through the broken and barren ground.
Hope is born
In that sweet little flower, God fostered an assurance within me that He can bring beauty out of disaster. He planted a tiny seed of hope for a bright future and joy once again, engraving that poppy upon my heart as a physical picture of God’s hope.
As the week went on in Italy and the physical separation from Garrett weighed heavily upon my soul, I continued to need God’s truth spoken to my broken heart.
Several days after that one little red poppy became God’s symbol of hope to me, my mom and I visited Pompeii. The devastation was evident on a much larger scale in Pompeii, reminding me again of the feelings I had about the destruction and ruins I had caused in my own life and marriage.
As we neared the end of the city and rounded the last bend of the street, I tried to catch my breath at the surprise that awaited me. To my right laid a vast sea of hope with thousands and thousands of red poppies. They stretched beyond what my eyes could see. Here was God, in His tender and faithful ways, encouraging my heart once again that He saw me, He was with me and I could place my hope in Him.
So, is there hope after an affair?
The resounding answer is YES! But here’s the thing, friends. Our hope is not in ourselves. Our hope is not in our spouse. We do have a responsibility to do the work, and we must see true, deep repentance from the one who cheated in order to move towards reconciliation. However, our ultimate hope is in God Himself because of who He is.
10 truths about God that give us hope
1. God is faithful
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 NKJV
“If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.” 2 Timothy 2:13
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
2. God is for us!
“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, freely give us all things?” Romans 8:31-32
“The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Psalm 118:6
3. God strengthens us
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10
“…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
4. God carries our burdens
“Honor and thanks be to the Lord, Who carries our heavy loads day by day. He is the God Who saves us.” Psalm 68:19 NLV
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22
5. God is patient
“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 ESV
6. God is good
“Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!” Psalm 107:1 ESV
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1a NIV
“If you… know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:11 NIV
7. God is compassionate and merciful
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.” Psalm 103:13 ESV
“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love… He has not dealt with us according to our sins or repaid us according to our iniquities. Psalm 103:8, 10
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:8, 10-14
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
8. God is our Redeemer
“…who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion…” Psalm 103:4 NIV
“But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.’” Isaiah 43:1 NIV
9. God is our Comforter
“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:19 ESV
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3
10. God’s love never fails
“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” Psalm 63:3
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NIV
“We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:20-22
Download a free printable version of these 10 Truths About God :)!
God is our perfect help and our shield. He is trustworthy. If you and your spouse are in Christ, it is the Holy Spirit working in and through you and your spouse to learn to forgive, to reconcile, to heal, and to one day, trust again. God is for you and not against you.
To this day, every time I see a red poppy, I smile and remember God’s sweet kindness and faithfulness. Stay the course, friends. His promises are true. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). And He will work all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)!
In Truth & Grace,
Brenna
P.S. Who does God say you are? Whether we have sinned greatly or have been greatly sinned against, it can cause us to question our value and worth. Fill your heart and mind with the truth about who you are in Christ with our FREE 28 days of “Who I Am in Christ” affirmation printable art cards!
